It was a very mild morning in February but there was still a lot of snow on the ground. We had received enough snow in the last 2 weeks to ensure that the paths in my forest would continue to be knee deep for a good while yet, no matter how mild it gets. I got ready to walk down the big hill behind our home that leads into the forest, and as usual I let Ruby off of her leash so she could run and exhaust some of her boundless puppy energy. She ran down the path that followed the tree line around the hill, but stopped halfway and sat down. I knew she must see someone or something, and she was getting ready to race towards whoever or whatever it was. I started speaking to her calmly, “stay there Ruby, sit good girl, you stay there” and I picked up the pace to reach her. I frantically scanned the path ahead for any sign of what it was, all the while encouraging her to stay still. Of course, the snow was deep and getting to her was not quite as quick as it would be when the path was bare. I finally spotted what she had seen long before I did: Parker, a large golden retriever, coming around the bend at the base of the hill trotting respectfully beside his owner. I knew if Ruby ran to them, she would startle that poor woman out of her wits. As I neared Ruby, I got out a treat and thanked the Lord she was obedient for a change. I was about two steps away from her and I reached for her collar…and she FLEW down the hill at top speed. Fortunately Parker saw her coming, and ran to meet her. They played for a few seconds, then I called Ruby and she ran straight up the hill to get back to me. I breathed a sigh of relief (it could have ended much worse), and continued on my walk.
As I reached the bottom of the hill, I realized where the situation had gone wrong. While Ruby was obediently listening to me and sitting still, she never took her eyes off Parker. As soon as I stopped speaking and got to her side, she misinterpreted that as a signal that she had done as asked and now could do what she so badly wanted. I knew immediately what the Lord was showing me about my own life. I had been in a situation the night before that was troubling me greatly. God had given me pretty clear instructions, and I listened, but I treated it like advice or suggestion rather than directive. I had chosen to do what I want, and bungled the outcome. The listening part was great; but I never relinquished my own idea; I never took my eyes off of what I wanted. I just waited, obeyed (I thought) and then ran off to please myself. The words I had read that morning echoed in my mind, from Jeremiah 2:25, “It’s no use! I love foreign gods and I must go after them!”
It seems like the Lord has had to remind me a lot lately about the things I love, the things I must have that are dangerously close to becoming idols. Mostly, it’s my Self that I am putting before the Lord; convincing myself it’s okay to indulge; that “I’ve earned it” or “I deserve it”. I hear someone tell me I’m good at something and it’s like I say to God, “thanks for Your help, but I’ve got this now”. That’s the situation I found myself in last night, and I blatantly chose to ignore God’s leading and do my own thing. How did I let it get to this point again? And more importantly, how do I get back to where I should be?
God reminded me how I laughed as poor Ruby was trying to run through the deep undisturbed snow on the steepest part of the hill to get back to where I was waiting for her. She had done wrong and wanted to come back to me the quickest way possible, but it was difficult for her in the deep snow. She even stopped twice for a few seconds to take a rest while she climbed. She finally made it to my side, panting as she looked for her treat. I obliged and she happily ran off to the forest for the rest of our walk. Again, I see the parallel. I want to make it right, to repent and return to the Lord. To follow Him and listen to His voice, and to obey. But getting back isn’t going to be easy. I’m going to endure a time of testing as I re-learn how to let go of my self-indulgence and deny myself in order to please Him. I may have to stop and start a few more times before I am back to where I want to be. But I know He is faithful, and He forgives. Cleanse me and renew me Lord, my heart’s desire is to live with my eyes 100% fixed on You.
Christian Contemplative Journey 
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